Never let it be said that the common person’s opinion, when pitched to the highest ire, counts for nothing.
Let the reader recall that recently, I urged voters to inundate the Debate Commission, the DNC, the RNC, the League of Women Voters, the top 125 newspapers in the land, and the other Powers that Be with missives and phone calls demanding that our candidates, the late Ab Ennis and the deceased Orville Slack IV, be allowed to participate in the debates that will determine the destiny of this great land, indeed the destiny of this top-ranked planet.
The Powers that Be have heard you. We at the Kachina Round Table are proud and pleased to announce that your inundation has caused them to schedule a special presidential debate.
This debate will be held in the main floor barroom of the Hôtel Adios.
Ms. Talia la Musa, founder of the Kachina Round Table, has consented to act as both moderator and questioner. The questions she will ask will be culled from the many that will be submitted by you, our readers.*
*To send a question, please scrawl it in a cramped style on the back of a barroom napkin and send it, together with your four-figure contribution, to:
The Great Barroom Debate
c/o Power to the Dead and to the English-speaking Parrots
Hôtel Adios Watering Hole
Small Southwestern City
US of A
The debate is scheduled to begin on October 31 at 11 p.m. (Southwestern Standard Time). It will last until the last barstool has been smashed over the head of a member of the opposition parties.
Regretfully, neither the incumbent president and vice president nor their challengers have accepted our invitation to participate in this friendly parley. Though both the incumbents wrote e-mails indicating that they feel quite at home in Western bars, the president declined on the grounds that the debate will be held while he is figuring out where he went wrong while the vice president noted that the locale and the time of the debate gave him misgivings concerning his personal safety. The challengers wrote personal notes, the wannabe POTUS pointing out that bars do not serve milk shakes while his running mate complaining that bars boycott dairy products produced in the Upper Midwest.
The main event of the evening, therefore, will consist of a polite discussion of the major planks of the Dead Rights platform by the urn-bound Mr. Ennis and the equally disabled Mr. Slack.