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Slouching towards Washington #6

6/30/2020

From The Small Southwestern City Picayune/Advocate/Intelligencer
January 11, 2024
NEWS AND VIEWS
Erratum

In yesterday’s story about the Dead Rights Party, we failed to report that the main feature of the platform of this new political entity is granting full citizenship status to the deceased. A secondary feature is granting the same status to parrots who can provide proof that they are over the age of eighteen.

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Slouching towards Washington #5

6/28/2020

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From The Small Southwestern City Picayune/Advocate/Intelligencer
January 10, 2024
NEWS AND VIEWS
Erratum

In yesterday’s story about the former human status but subsequent cremation of candidates Messrs. Ennis and Slack, we failed to report that the two gentlemen are running on the Dead Rights Party (DRiP) ticket. Our thanks to our source at the Watering Hole for calling our attention to this fact.

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Slouching towards Washington #4

6/27/2020

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From The Small Southwestern City Picayune/Advocate/Intelligencer
January 9, 2024
NEWS AND VIEWS
Erratum

In yesterday’s story about the two SSC gentlemen who have set their sights on public office, we failed to add that though Mr. Ennis and Mr. Slack are robots, they were once fully human. Our source at the Watering Hole tells us that the two gentlemen were cremated, apparently after they died. Our apologies for this omission.

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Slouching towards Washington #3

6/26/2020

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From The Small Southwestern City Picayune/Advocate/Intelligencer
January 8, 2024
NEWS AND VIEWS
Erratum

In several former editions we wrote that Mr. Ab Ennis and Mr. Orville Slack IV of our fair city were running for president and vice-president, respectively, of this great country. We failed to report that both gentlemen are robots.

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June 25th, 2020

6/25/2020

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From The Small Southwestern City Picayune/Advocate/Intelligencer
January 2, 2024
NEWS AND VIEWS
Ennis Announces Running Mate!

At halftime of yesterday’s Rose Bowl game, Mr. Ab Ennis announced that Mr. Orville Slack IV will be the running mate for his long-shot bid to capture the White House. Mr. Slack is a resident of Small Southwestern City.

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Local Man Throws Hat in Ring

6/25/2020

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From The Small Southwestern City Picayune/Advocate/Intelligencer
January 1, 2024
NEWS AND VIEWS
Local Man Throws Hat in Ring

At a raucous party last evening at a local saloon, The Watering Hole, Mr. Ab Ennis of this fair city announced his candidacy for POTUS on the Dead Rights Party (DRiP) ticket.

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Pillow Talk

6/10/2020

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My wife wants a new pillow. It’s all she can talk about.

“Did you see . . . did you see . . . did you see!”

She’s already bought a nice pillow case. In fact, two of them. Now she wants to buy something to go inside them. I suspect she finds the pillow man attractive. She used to find me attractive, but I snore. I didn’t used to, but now that I sleep on my back, I “shake the house to the rafters.”

But I can still put two and two together. A billowed-out husband. The pillow man. A new attraction. Ka-Ching!

My wife also believes in a Higher Being. I think she might be right, up to a point. But then she points out that the pillow man has proved her point. She says he’s “demonstrated” that she’s correct on this score. He was once a junky, but now he sells pillows by the train load. “What are the odds of that happening?” he says. So there’s a god all right. I wonder aloud whether this god is a Christian. “Oh yes,” she says. “It stands to reason!”

I have no answer to her, so I roll over on my side. Soon I am asleep and counting feathers. And probabilities.

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Slouching towards Washington #6

Slouching towards Washington #5

Slouching towards Washington #4

Slouching towards Washington #3

June 25th, 2020

Local Man Throws Hat in Ring

Pillow Talk

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