The latest poll conducted by Bugby International, the Cadillac of political pulse-takers, shows that Ab Ennis (deceased), candidate for president of the United States of America, has maneuvered himself and his running mate on the Dead Rights Ticket, Orville Slack the Youngest (also deceased), into a highly competitive position for the next week's free-for-all.
While his rivals have been unable to move decisively ahead, reports Bugby, Mr. Ennis has gained 100%, with a margin of error of +/- .4%. What we of the Kachina Round Table find interesting is that Small Southwestern City, in which we meet as occasion demands, leads the nation in Ennis’s rapid climb.
Some analysts have pointed out that these astounding numbers can be accounted for by the “fact” that the original Bugby poll, taken online, showed that there were a mere six voters who intended to vote for Ennis and Slack, and that the Hôtel Adios bar in which these six are wont to hang out has become the main target group for the Dead Rights campaign. Twice six is twelve, or, put differently, a 100% gain amounts to a mere six converts to the tenets of the Dead Rights Party. The implication is that regular imbibers of potent potables are easily persuaded.
We find this explanation cynical in the extreme. I know for a fact that my tee-totaling mother, who resides in Somewhere, Kansas with her pet parrot, plans to vote for the Ennis/Slack duo. Her reasoning? She has always had a keen interest in politics, has never missed a vote, is approaching the cremation stage of life, and is intrigued by the Dead Rights’ innovative platform. Her sole reservation is that my father, already deceased and well-urned, would also, under the Constitutional Amendment Ennis and Company are planning, be eligible for suffrage. Their future votes, she fears, would cancel each other out.
Food for thought.