from December 15, 2004
My last column concerned the problem of saving Planet Earth from the coming Big Meteor Hit. It also promised, at least implicitly, to solve this problem in the present column.
But as Karl Marx or one of his ilk said, “Promises are made to be broken.” We at MJTT have come across a problem that is arguably more terrifying than the coming Big Meteor Hit. Thus we defer that issue to another day, justifying this laggardly act with the Latin slogan, “Carpe diem”—Seize the day.
It has come to our attention that, as the European news agency Reuters succinctly puts it (November 22, 2004), “As Ice Thaws, Arctic Peoples at Loss for Words.” This clever headline points to the indisputable fact that the indigenous peoples that make the Arctic region their home are finding it difficult to invent names for such animals as hornets, elk, barn owls, and salmon, which are encroaching on their suddenly-balmy habitat. As felicity would have it, they have not yet spotted any flamingos.
The culprit is, as always, global warming.
The Reuters account goes on to point out the obvious villain: President George W. Bush, who says the Kyoto protocol “would cost too much and unfairly excludes developing states.”
The chief example of the devastation wrought by this short-sighted view is the struggle for survival of the Hudson Bay polar bear, which depends for its sustenance on the seal. It is becoming more and more difficult for the former to practice its main trick, pouncing on the latter when it (the latter) surfaces for a breath of fresh air.
After giving this problem the long, hard look that it demands, we at MJTT have come across a slogan that should please Republicans and environmentalists alike: Save the Seals!