March 29, 2024
ANNOUNCEMENT: paid for by the Kachina Round Table
Mr. Orville Slack IV, Candidate for VPOTUS, Dead Rights Party
Mos’ vas pres-dential canny-dates don’ have no reckud o’ ’complish-mun’. Ah’m proud ays punch t’ announce that in this re-gard, Ah’m jus’ ’bove avage.
Back ’n Panhandle Counta, Ah wuz ’proached on num-rous occasions to run fer office awn th’ Beg-Off ticket. Using muh no-torious skills, howeva, Ah was able t’ ’void public service. Ah’m proud t’ announce that Ah followed the firs rule for all them sawbones: Ah did no homm. Nothin’ that went rawng was muh fault. Thus Ah have no need o’ excuses.
Muh competi-tors will say, o’ course, that back in Panhandle Counta, nothin’ went on. They will tell yuh that if nothin’ went on, nothin’ could go rawng.
Ah refuse to haggle with muh esteemed compete-tors on this point. But Ah will say that somethin’ did go on back in Panhandle Counta. We had ar share o’ snake-oil salesmen, as they was called back in them days. Fac’ is, that’s how are beloved counta got its name. It was either that or Politi-cian Counta. We main-tained ar dignity by ’voidin’ the latter.
Ah’m also proud as punch that Ah not only de-sisted from th’ tem-tations to join them snake-oilas, Ah also fought ’em. But not in the tooth-an-nail tra-dition. Mah maythod was much subtler. Ah followed the tra-dition of muh great-granddad, Orville Slack I, of muh granddad, Orville Slack II, and of muh de-ceased fathuh, Orville Slack III, by learnin’ the tricks o’ the beg-off trade. Matter o’ fact, Ah lifted that tra-dition to the highes’ peach.