Transcript, First DRiP Presidential Debate
April 15, 2024
SSCTV
Ms. Ladrona: We’re live here at the first DRiP debate, coming to you live from the Watering Hole, located in the nether regions of Hotel Adios in Small Southwestern City. Tonight, our two participants are Mr. Ab Ennis, candidate for president, and Mr. Orville Slack IV, his running mate.
Without further ado, let us begin with Mr. Ennis. Mr. Ennis, why are you running for president of the United States of America on the Dead Rights ticket?
Mr. Ennis: It’s the only ticket I qualify for.
Mr. Slack: Me too.
Ms. Ladrona: Aha! I notice that there is little or no disagreement between you two on this point.
Mr. Ennis: I noticed that.
Mr. Slack: Ah also notice that.
Ms. Ladrona: Another point of agreement! Mr. Slack, is there anything you find yourself disagreeing with Mr. Ennis about?
Mr. Ennis: He was born in Panhandle County. I wasn’t.
Mr. Slack: Tha’s ’bout right.
Ms. Ladrona: What about policy issues? Are there other points of disagreement there?
Mr. Slack: He don’ think we sh’ be ’tacklin’ China. Ah do.
Mr. Ennis: That’s correct, though I would like to add that it probably makes no difference whether we do or don’t.
Ms. Ladrona: Aha! I sense a difference of opinion.
Mr. Ennis: Not so fast. I agree with my esteemed running mate that I don’t think we should be tackling China.
Mr. Slack: Ah agree with muh es-teem runnin’ mate that Ah think we sh’ be ’tacklin’ China.
Ms. Ladrona: On that note, let’s take an ale break.
Crowd: Hear, hear!
April 15, 2024
SSCTV
Ms. Ladrona: We’re live here at the first DRiP debate, coming to you live from the Watering Hole, located in the nether regions of Hotel Adios in Small Southwestern City. Tonight, our two participants are Mr. Ab Ennis, candidate for president, and Mr. Orville Slack IV, his running mate.
Without further ado, let us begin with Mr. Ennis. Mr. Ennis, why are you running for president of the United States of America on the Dead Rights ticket?
Mr. Ennis: It’s the only ticket I qualify for.
Mr. Slack: Me too.
Ms. Ladrona: Aha! I notice that there is little or no disagreement between you two on this point.
Mr. Ennis: I noticed that.
Mr. Slack: Ah also notice that.
Ms. Ladrona: Another point of agreement! Mr. Slack, is there anything you find yourself disagreeing with Mr. Ennis about?
Mr. Ennis: He was born in Panhandle County. I wasn’t.
Mr. Slack: Tha’s ’bout right.
Ms. Ladrona: What about policy issues? Are there other points of disagreement there?
Mr. Slack: He don’ think we sh’ be ’tacklin’ China. Ah do.
Mr. Ennis: That’s correct, though I would like to add that it probably makes no difference whether we do or don’t.
Ms. Ladrona: Aha! I sense a difference of opinion.
Mr. Ennis: Not so fast. I agree with my esteemed running mate that I don’t think we should be tackling China.
Mr. Slack: Ah agree with muh es-teem runnin’ mate that Ah think we sh’ be ’tacklin’ China.
Ms. Ladrona: On that note, let’s take an ale break.
Crowd: Hear, hear!
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