LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
From Mr. Arthur Unknown, Small Southwestern City
The next step in any campaign before the nominating convention is the creation of a platform. The DRiP is no exception. The Platform Committee, under the able leadership of Mr. Myles na Gopaleen, Jr., is pleased to announce the publication of its findings by Eleven Speed Press.
Herewith is his succinct summary of the five (5) major planks in the DRiP’s platform.
1. It is natural that the issue of voting and other rights for deceased Americans enjoys pride of place. It is the raison d’être of the DRiP’s existence.
2. It is logical that the DRiP concludes that, because parrots have cognitive abilities equal to the average American over the age of 18, they should also be granted equal rights.
3. The DRiP vows to convert all heathen operatives, here and abroad, to Evangelical Christianity.
4. As for the economy, the DRiP promises to add fifty million high-paying government jobs in the first year of its tenure. Preference will be given to newly-enfranchised, newly-robotized dead Americans and parrots with an IQ of 65 and above.
5. As for the Vietnam War, the DRiP proposes a new law requiring all textbooks to obliterate any mention of said war from their pages. And no mention or hint of this controversial event in American history should be allowed in any newspaper or talk show or magazine or campaign speech. The rationale for the DRiP position is that this non-war was started by the French.