from: The Church of the Comic Spirit

In the beginning, there wasn’t much of anything. Just the basics. There was earth, of course. Heaven, too—we needed a place to come home to, after our numerous trips down to earth. And when I say earth, I’m including the lakes, the rivers, the oceans, etc. Everything that comes under the category of water. But water was not why we made those excursions. None of us would have even thought of coming down for water. We associated water with ships and sailors. Nobody wanted to be a sailor. The sailor was considered the lowest form of life. No, the reason we came down was for the dry land. And when I say dry land, I’m including the vineyards.

Speaking of the basics, there were also the sun, the moon, the planets, the stars—things for the astrologers to study, I believe that was the plan, and for the poets to write about. Also, there were the birds and the fish, for the bird watchers and fishermen. (That’s what they were called back then, fishermen. Nobody knew any better.) And I can’t forget the animals. At that time they were all wild—not necessarily ferocious, just wild. Domestication was my later innovation, just as were the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, of which, they tell me, I have every right to be proud. They include—I’m reading from my notes—(1) the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus; (2) the Artemision at Ephesus; (3) the Colossus of Rhodes; (4) the statue of Zeus (Zeus was my biggest rival, but we were instructed to be tolerant about religion; besides, he was not a key player in the total scheme of things); (5) the lighthouse at Alexandria; (6) the Sphinx and the Pyramids, which counted as one (I especially enjoyed designing the Pyramids, because of the excellent retirement benefits); and (7) the Hanging Gardens of Babylon—not including the walls, which came later.

​And oh yes. I also created an Eighth Wonder. That was Eve. I once considered her my masterpiece.