Narrator’s Voice: And when Hagar saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress.
There is a respectful knock on the tent ﬂap.
Sara: (Calling) Come in.
Sara: (Looking up) Oh it’s you, Hagar.
Hagar: (British Accent) Yes Mum, it’s me, Mum, your loyal handmaid Hagar, Mum.
Sara: (Angrily) Where have you been? You’re ﬁve hours late.
Hagar: I have been out sacriﬁcing an animal, Mum, to the pagan goddess Isis, Mum.
Sara: Who in hell is Isis?
Hagar starts to dust the furniture.
Hagar: She’s not in hell, Mum, she’s a nature goddess. Worship of Isis originated in ancient Egypt and is destined, Mum, to extend throughout the Mediterranean world, or I miss my guess.
Sara: And what animal have you been sacriﬁcing, my good handmaid Hagar? Not one of mine husband Abram’s sheep, I hope?
Hagar: (Innocently) Oh no, Mum. It was a rabbit, Mum, an itty-bitty rabbit.
Sara: (Interested) A rabbit, huh? Tell me, how do you do it? I’ve been trying to kill a rabbit for nearly sixty years.
Hagar: It’s easy, Mum.
Hagar stops dusting to explain.
Hagar :If I may be so bold, Mum, there are three simple steps.
Sara: (With great curiosity) And what is the ﬁrst step?
Hagar: If I was you, Mum, I’d ﬁrst hold off on the bon-bons.
Sara: And what do you expect the former Miss Holy Land to eat while she’s reading her Harlequin Romances and knitting booties?
Hagar: Alfalfa sprouts, Mum, between a pair of salt-free crackers.
Sara: Sounds terrible. And what is the second step?
Hagar: The curlers, Mum. They’ve got to go.
Sara: But my raven tresses are the glory of my womanhood, the essence of my sexuality! Plus, they make me feel good about myself.
Hagar takes a vanity mirror and holds it before Sara’s eyes. She ﬂuffs Sara’s hair.
Hagar: I’m sure they do, Mum, but your beautiful hair has a natural wave to it, Mum, rendering curlers quite superﬂuous.
Sara: Well . . . I’ll think about it. And the third step?
Hagar: Begging your pardon, Mum, but they’ve got some real nice teddies down at Frederick’s of Hollywood.
Sara: And how would that look on the former Miss Holy Land?
Hagar :Right now, Mum, not so good, but after six months on alfalfa sprouts and salt-free crackers . . .