Advice proffered, subsequent to a series of in-depth discussions with the aforementioned Misters Rippling River and Zapata, both of whom have the capacity to serve as conduits to the mind, thoughts, feelings, instincts, etcetera, of the “common man,” a.k.a. the “common person.” Both gentlemen, in Mr. Zapata’s telling phrase, “keep their ears to the ground.”
Mr. Rippling River is the head bartender (a.k.a. camarero, Sp.) of the Hôtel Adios Watering Hole. His qualifications for this work include an ability to “keep the bar hummin’,” by which he apparently means both (1) steering, with firm but solicitous hand, his subordinates in the swift, steady completion of their appointed rounds, and (2) aiding the patrons of said saloon in the enjoyment of their experience(s) within its confines, of which Mr. Rippling River has a large measure of control, i.e., keeping their discussions within parameters not deleterious to the joie de vivre that is the main, even sole, purpose of any successful drinking establishment. Mr. Rippling River is unmarried, thus giving him the ability to “identify” w/ the widows, widowers, divorcees, and other dispossessed persons who are the staple of every saloon known to man, a.k.a. “humans” and/or “humanity.” Though his job description makes no mention of the fact, he is also a sometime escort of the owner and sole proprietor of the Hôtel Adios, though he claims to have no interest, either romantic or carnal or some combination thereof, in the lady; being straightforward in his observed demeanor, it would appear that his claim should be accepted without qualification. Simply put, his escort service “goes with the territory.”
Mr. P. (“Gordo”) Zapata is, per my earlier description, the superintendent, deputy sheriff, and head honcho of the enterprise. After interviewing seven patrons re Mr. Zapata’s job performance, I determined that he performs each of these rôles with diligence, grace, and good humor, as a result of which all patrons appeared comfortable in his presence and were able, with no fear of undue consequences, to express their opinions on any and all subjects to which the prototypical patron is drawn, whether that subject be sporting events, religion, politics, personal misgivings re one’s current and/or future welfare, or the import and/or significance of sentient existence. Indeed, Mr. Zapata’s status as a happily-wed family man provides him w/ the ability not only to console but to advise the misbegotten ladies and forlorn gentlemen that form the principal clientele of this establishment.