Having received a request via registered mail (USPS) by Ms. Talia la Musa to analyze the Misters Ab Ennis (deceased) and Mr. Orville Slack IV (also deceased), then advise the Kachina Round Table re the presidential campaign of said gentlemen, I hereby respond in the positive.
It is my understanding that said analysis is to be performed in a top-storey suite of the Hôtel Adios, Small Southwestern City, on a date of my choosing. The analysands are to be, serially, Mr. Ennis and Mr. Slack. The method of analysis also will be my own choice.
Furthermore, it is my understanding that said advice will be tendered (1) after, and only after, said persons cum candidates have undergone analysis, and (2) subsequent to a later conversation (informal) with a Mr. Jeff Rippling River and a Mr. P. “Gordo” Zapata. This advice is to be brief in length and to the point.
I am to be reimbursed by (1) a round-trip airline ticket and (2) an extended stay (i.e., until the evening subsequent to the national election date) in the aforementioned suite of the aforementioned hôtel, with foodstuffs/snacks and beverages to be delivered to my door from the dining room and drinking establishment, respectively, of said hôtel. I am to desist from any and all temptations or inclinations to use my suite in any and all ways, respects, or regards that are not congruent with the prevailing ethos of said hôtel, as determined by Ms. Musa, or to allow any and all gentleman or other male friends or acquaintances, old or recently-formed, to enter said suite without the presence of any or all chaperones to be selected, chosen, or otherwise determined by the owner of said hôtel. I am also to appear to be friendly, but not overly so, to Mr. Myles na Gopaleen in all circumstances or cases in which said gentleman and I appear within vocal reach of one another. I am under no circumstances to disagree with the gentleman; I am to mention his preternatural abilities on any and all occasions in which either (1) I deem it appropriate, or (2) Ms. (or sometimes Señorita) la Musa signals her wishes via a delicate touch of a nose with her left peripheral finger.