Mose vas presidential cannydates don’t have no record o’ ac-complishmen, leas tu speak o’. Ah’m proud ayus punch ta ’nounce that in this re-gard, Ah blong in that groupin’.
Back in Pan Handle Counta, Ah was approach on newm-rus oc-casions to run fer office awn the Bayg-Off ticket. Usin’ muh celebrated skills, Ah was able to avoid public service. Ah’m also proud as punch t’ announce that I follad the firs rule for all doctuhs: Ah did no hom. Nothin’ that went rowng was muh fault. There-fore, Ah have no need of excuses.
Muh critics will say, o’ course, that back in Pan Handle Counta nothin’ went awn. They will argya that if nothin’ went awn, nothin’ could go rowng.
Ah refuse to quibble with muh esteemed competi-tors awn this point. Ah will say, though, that somethin’ did go on back in Pan Handle Counta. We had ar share o’ snake-oil salesmen, as they was called in them days. An’ they was active.