My editor has been urging me to “get in on the act,” a phrase he bandies about with abandon.
The act he wished me to get in on is that of rendering a considered judgment on Mel Gibson’s film on Christ’s passion.
This I gladly do.
(Disclosure: I did not see the film I am about to review. I stood in line at the box office, but when it came my turn to purchase a ticket, I was unable to hand my money to the person, nor was he or she able to see me. Unfortunately, I am not quite two feet tall and have short arms. In a later discussion with my colleague Myles na Gopaleen, Jr., I vented my frustration at this state of affairs. Regular readers will recall that the Gopper was responsible for equipping my ashes with a robotic apparatus that allows me to move about at my pleasure. My frustration is caused by the size of the apparatus. I would prefer that it extend my frame to approximately 6’ 6”, with arms appropriate to this size. I would like to be able to dunk a basketball. I would capitalize on this ability by making an ad, which would produce enough money to fund my presidential candidacy. Gop said he would assign this request to an underling for further consideration. I advised him to assign it to an underling who is acquainted with the hardwood sport.)
(Addendum to disclosure: I saw the trailer many times. I have read a substantial number of reviews. I’m also acquainted with the story line Gibson used. This qualifies me for rendering an opinion, despite the weakness of my Aramaic.)
The Passion of the Christ is a gory film. There is no mention of the protagonist’s resurrection, nor of his ascension into heaven. I would have liked to have seen more miracles and heard more parables. It may or may not be anti-Semitic. It is unsuitable for small children, and for adults who can’t stand the sight of blood. It is also unsuitable for my major constituents, dead Americans, for whom it may bring back bad memories. As for my minor constituents, dead American parrots with a working knowledge of the English language, I have no opinion. They may or may not be eligible for salvation.
All things considered, then, I’m afraid I’ll have to give it a thumbs down.