In preparation for this column, we at the MJTT pondered, with our serene and unencumbered minds, the stack of suggestions that our readers, fellow writers, and colleagues at NASA and other federally-funded enterprises had sent us in the preceding months.
Despite my natural serenity, I suddenly found myself seized by an inspiration of which lesser members of the species Homo sapiens can only dream. For as I gazed at this three-foot high stack of what I have come to regard as supremely qualified offerings, I was struck, seized, or otherwise grasped by the idea that the universe as it now exists is nothing if not chaotic (though this word does not do that experience justice). So many suggestions! So little time! Such finite minds! So many theories to set before the discerning intellects with whom we converse daily, if not hourly!
Brooding over this complex idea that morning, I swiftly formulated a counter-intuitive but, if I may say it, brilliant hypothesis that, I dare say, will quickly become accepted by the leading thinkers, scientific as well as philosophical, of our day, thus becoming the reigning theory of this, the 21st century.
In a word, my hypothesis cum theory can be dubbed Unintelligent Design (UD).
As our friendly adversaries, the proponents of ID (Intelligent Design), have insisted, the universe is—a better phrase would be “seems to be”—a well-designed area indeed. A fine place to “hang out,” as the younger generations are pleased to phrase it. But on further examination, the hypothetical designer (assuming for the moment that there was but one) appears to have been a middling architect, unworthy, in the last analysis, of his or her task—and I grant that that task was a daunting one.
In evidence thereof, consider the very existence of the Myles Junior Think Tank, or, for that matter, its kin, the many think tanks that have come to dot the face of the earth and, in future generations, other planets in other galaxies. What is the noble purpose of these institutions? To better the world! Assuming the necessity of this plethora of think tanks, the sole conclusion can only be that the world, or universe, is far from perfect (how far is a matter of discussion among the leading think tanks). Therefore, the world, or universe, is unintelligently designed.
My reasoning was found by my fellow geniuses at the MJTT to be so profound, so boggling, that not one word needed be spoken, whether in further questioning, in dispute, or in quibbling over definitions.
We spent that afternoon high above the Pacific, gazing at the distant horizon, sipping the sherries offered to us on the silver platters by our elegant, well-coiffed man- and maid-servants, waiting for the stars to appear so that we could murmur in quiet humility the utterance of the philosopher Kant, namely, that two things filled his soul with awe and wonder: “the starry skies above, and the moral law within.”